Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
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It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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