I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
