Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
