Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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