You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
