I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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