I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
