remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
