i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
