Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
