I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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