he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
