i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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