I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.