Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.