So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This baby is an asshole
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.