is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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