I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.