Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.