Just cropdusted the office
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
