My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
