My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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