I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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