At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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