not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
