actually, I'm a sock model
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
