I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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