Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
