Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
