ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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