we have pet lesbian snakes
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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