508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
