You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
