My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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