you have to choose: penises or morals?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
