There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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