Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
