we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
