if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
