I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
