Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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