High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
