I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
