she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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