I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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