If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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