we're chasing vodka with high fives
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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