I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
