I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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