Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize