In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
