I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
