Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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