You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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