Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
