Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
