Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
