i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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