She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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