Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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