Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
