i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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