The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
