He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
