Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
