I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
