kristin has been a bad kristin
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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