So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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