hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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