i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
