Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
